Fathers Day

Yesterday was Fathers Day and I’m not gonna lie I hate Fathers Day. Ever since I lost my dad to cancer I’ve hated the day. I hate seeing everyone post pics of them and their dads saying how amazing they are. I didn’t have that growing up and now I never will. I don’t have the opportunity to change anything about my past with my father and I didn’t take the opportunity to do so when he was still here. To this day that eats me alive. I have a step father that isn’t talking to me because he sided with my ex husband over our divorce. So yeah I hate that day. If you have a father that’s amazing and you can always count on them that’s awesome! I’m honestly jealous of you. Don’t take it for granted because not everyone has that and you are very lucky. I hate that this day hurts me the way it does and I hope someday I can move past the feelings. Being ok with the fact that I don’t have a dad and never will again. Being ok with feelings of abandonment by someone I considered a father figure. I know I have many, many other amazing people in my life that I can look up to and count on and I’m so thankful for that. I just needed to get these feelings out there. Trying to let them go. Being thankful for the people I do have in my life that love me unconditionally, no matter what. That’s all I can do.

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