Body image, something I’ve worried about most of my life.
Up until just recently I have always been incredibly strict on myself with working out and eating the right foods. My fitness journey started around 7 years ago. I was heavier than I had ever been and wanted to change it. I met my friend Amy, who was already a gym goer and knew about proper nutrition, so I started lifting here and there with her. I eventually joined the gym that she went to and we started working out together. She taught me all the basics and got me comfortable going to a gym, which I’m still great-full for to this day because lifting/exercise has become one of my favorite hobbies. (thanks Amy!)
Overall from my heaviest, to the lightest I have ever been as an adult I lost 30 pounds. I was a whopping 115 pounds at my lightest as a 27 year old and I still thought I needed to lose more fat. I was avid about gaining muscle and losing fat. I was strong-ish and had muscle but because I didn’t have abs I wasn’t happy. I tend to store fat in my mid section so even though I weighed so little I still didn’t have much definition in my abs. I eventually started researching more about proper nutrition because I was lacking there. I finally started filling out, gaining muscle and also keeping the fat off. I think at the peak of my journey I was around 125 lbs and 15% body fat. I looked pretty damn good. I had my workouts down to a T and knew exactly what I needed to eat and how much cardio to do to maintain. I think I was around the age of 28/29 then. That brings us to today. I’m 32 sitting around 136 pounds, last I checked my body fat was 24% but that was months ago. I also haven’t weighed myself in awhile so that may not be accurate either. I still workout 3 to 4 times a week and I eat more of a balanced diet, meaning I eat candy and snacks and don’t beat myself up for it anymore. Mentally I’m in a much healthier place than I was back then when it came to fitness and nutrition. I wasn’t competing but I treated myself like I was, weighing my food, counting my macros, all that good stuff. Which yes that did help me hit my goals and I loved being that fit but I was letting it consume me in unhealthy ways. Physically I’m not in the best shape I’ve ever been but I’m also still active and healthy. Would I love to be back to my 125 pound, 15% body fat physique, of course, but I’m also pretty happy with myself right now. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a mental struggle some days when I think about how I used to look to how I look now. The thing is though even back then I was still beating myself up over how I looked because it wasn’t good enough in my eyes. So If I couldn’t be happy being super fit would I ever be happy with how I looked? Body image/comparing yourself to others is a bitch if you let it get to you. Do I worry that I won’t be the fittest, hottest chick at the pool this summer, of course! I also know that I’m beautiful and look damn good so that won’t matter. Confidence is key! Being comfortable in my own skin is what matters. Yes I still have body image issues and feel insecure at times but I can honestly say this is also the most comfortable I’ve ever felt in my own skin. I’m owning who I am for once and loving it. With summer right around the corner and bikini season being here this has been on my mind a little more than normal. I just have to keep reminding myself that I’m perfect just the way I am.
Love yo self 🙂