It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.

This was a blog entry I originally made private awhile back, only for myself to view. I decided to make it public now…

Have you ever stripped yourself of everything you know to start over? Have you ever felt like you’ve lost everything in your life that you held close to you, but you did it all on purpose and you feel more in control of your life than ever before?  It’s a strange feeling. I’m scared but I’m also excited. Feeling like I’m totally exposed. I have everything but also nothing to lose right now. What’s that quote from fight club, “it’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” That sums up my life at the moment. I haven’t fully lost everything, as in every person I hold close to my heart. I’ve just totally lost what I called my normal everyday routine of a life. I threw it away in a matter of a day and have started over. I still feel like I’m crazy sometimes. Why did I leave what was so normal and comfortable? I left my home, my family and a lot of my friends. The scared part inside me wants it back but the rest of me would shoot myself if I ever went back to that. I could never go back, I would never want to go back. I refuse to let fear run my life. I took a step in a new direction and I am going to continue to take more and more steps in this new way. I’m going to continue to push my comfort levels, to put myself out there and do new things. Things that I want to do. Live a life I’m proud to say is mine. It’s a scary feeling knowing my life has so many new possibilities. Things I never thought would happen can happen now. So yes, part of me is scared. Part of me would take my old life back in a second just to have the comfort and familiarity back but that’s the only reason I’d want it back. The unfamiliar is scary. Don’t let fear take you away from your dreams. I’m pretty excited for what this year has to bring.

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