A little story behind this post. I sat down yesterday with ZERO ideas as of what to write about. I told myself to just put the first sentence down and see what flows out. I relaxed my shoulders and opened up my heart space. I got my first sentence out and then the words just kept flowing. I got an entire blog post done when I had absolutely zero things on my mind, so I thought. It’s so amazing what can happen when you let your energy and soul guide you. 🙂
Breaking down the walls of who I’ve created myself to be, and allow myself to just be.
I’ve built walls out of concepts of who I am, what I stand for, my beliefs, etc. Each little block is an idea or concept of who I think I am. I live within those walls because it’s comfortable. I feel like I have some control over my life inside of these walls. I feel safe. In reality, I have absolutely zero control over my life. But by staying within my comfort zone and the walls I’ve built it feels like I have control over my life.
For example, I always go to the same places because they are familiar. I feel like I can predict what will happen, who I’ll run into, what things will look like, etc. I do this because it’s comfortable and it allows me to stay within the walls I’ve built for myself. So let’s say one day I decide to go to a new store. I’m not sure of the layout, who I may see, it’s not familiar at all. Will I look stupid if I can’t find something? I literally start to panic and get anxious and close up inside. I feel like I can’t control what may happen. It’s compromising the walls I’ve built around myself. It’s challenging the person I’ve created myself to be, it’s challenging what is comfortable to me. But if I ever want to break away from this facade I’ve created of myself, I must push through and break the walls down.
Somedays I feel strong and break a little of the wall down. I’ll go somewhere new, that’s unpredictable, that I can’t “control”. Other times I let the fear keep me from breaking past a wall. I stay closed up and hidden in my facade. It’s comfortable and I can “control” it.
I’m really trying to be more aware of when I do these things, so I can be free from the walls someday. I don’t want to be closed off as a person. For example, I’ve always considered myself shy. When in reality I’m not shy at all, I’m just insecure and use being shy as a crutch. I’ve built this wall around me to feel safe. I use it as an excuse. What I really want is connection to others, but as long as I allow myself to stay within these walls that will never happen. We all do this. And once you can start to be aware of it, it’s really eye opening.
The book I’m reading, The Untethered Soul, has really opened me up to a whole new level of thinking. I highly recommend it. That’s what this post is based on. It’s just so interesting, and the book does a great job of explaining our psyche.
It’s pretty wild the limits we put on ourselves, when really our world is limitless.